I'm stupid, You're Stupid

Hey, I Still Have a Blog Here ...

2011-06-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

Hmm. Maybe I'll start using it again?

I'm going to the polo match today at the Houston Polo Club (HPC) with one of my lover-liest girl friends, an architect who will build you a killer LEED-certified house, if you are so inclined.

I wrote about the HPC for the Houston Chronicle, so if you're looking to read something I wrote, you can go here.

Lilo Lice Watch Update

2009-08-02T15:04:00.000-07:00

Here's our grrrl Linds once again, with an incurable case of itchy head. Could it be all those thoughts percolating under that mop top?

Methinks not.

Lindsay has Lice

2009-06-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

It's just a suspicion -- but consider the evidence.

1. Dlisted via Holy Moly! via Blind Gossip reported THIS blind item:

Which stateside shambles of a celebrity brought more than a suitcase with them on their recent trip to London. The woman was found to have nits in her eyebrows by a make up artist on a shoot. GROO!

2. Lindsay recently in Paris to discuss becoming a creative consultant for House of Emanuel Ungaro. (She also was there allegedly stalking her ex, Samantha Ronson, who was in London.) So she was there. And you know that girl got some eyebrows on, (unlike, say, Whoopi Goldberg, who, incidentally, was also in London checking out the made-for-stage version of Sister Habit and is eyebrow-anemic).

3. Lindsay is dirrrrty.

4. This picture, from AXE Lounge in the Hamptons last week:

The video of her arrival actually shows her scratching her head here (vigorously up-down, up-down), so it's not like she's doing a "Oh, I'm the confused party girl" thing. She's doing the "Oh, I have head lice" thing.

Poor dear. I hope her fire crotch stays clear or this little parasitic problem.

BTW: Can you believe there's a headlice.org Web site?? It has a kids' section that includes an animated louse dancing to the lice version of "Puttin' on the Ritz" -- it's called "Pickin' Out the Nits."

Son of B*tch Banking In English ... Put Some Long Pants On!

2009-06-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

This video comes via Sarah Silverman, who only mentioned when pressured to do so on the red carpet, and Rebecca Schoenkopf, a lovely woman who lives in a pretty house on a street where it smells like an herb garden took a dump. Thank you.

Buy Your Car Insurance From this Lady

2009-06-09T19:03:00.000-07:00

The Geico Caveman has gone tranny, and this is the result:

Teresa Giudice from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that TRH usually is about a city (Orange County, Atlanta, New York City), but when it comes to New Jersey, they had to use the whole state. The producers realized that they had a bevy of high-maintenance, narcissistic, self-important females across the entire state who do TV-worthy bullshit like get their hair curled and tell each other how beautiful they are. New Jersey, I salute you and your hoards of high-priced hookers.

She's a Political Cat

2009-05-27T23:10:00.000-07:00

I was fortunate enough to be invited to a Writers' Guild workshop on new media. They told us how to iMovie, which I proudly used to make a short film, starring Itchy. If you listen closely, she does issue a response to my question.

Technical School's Not Looking So Bad Anymore

2009-05-27T00:43:00.000-07:00

Here, one of NYU's journalism grad students enjoys the spoils of his labor from working full-time at a "competitively" compensated position he landed several years after graduation.

I was one of Tim Harper's reporting classes my second semester at NYU, and a girl and her mother came in to observe the class. The girl was trying to decide on whether she should come to the graduate journalism program at NYU or Boston University. I'm sure she was a very bright young lady with great potential, which is why -- when asked by the professor to talk to her about NYU -- I told her this:

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T GET A MASTER'S IN JOURNALISM. GET ANY OTHER GRADUATE DEGREE! I'VE RUINED MY FINANCES, CREDIT AND LIFE WITH THIS FUCKING GIG RIGHT HERE. RUN! RUN AWAY, AND NEVER LOOK BACK UNTIL YOU HAVE AN MBA, OR A J.D., OR SOMETHING LIKE IT."

I don't know if she took my advice. But if she didn't, she can line up for one of the jobs below. These are actual postings on ed2010, which is a journalism web site, ICYDK.

Exhibit A:

xxxx Magazine is looking for celebrity writers for the site re-launch.
Candidates must have:
- Experience interviewing celebrities
- An INTENSE obsession with POP culture both nationally and
internationally.
- At least 1-3 yrs writing experience for a publication and/or blog.
- Experience with Wordpress
PLEASE NOTE: THE POSITION IS UNPAID.

Oh goody! After having THREE YEARS of writing experience, I might be able to get an UNPAID POSITION.

Exhibit B:

Contributors wanted for forthcoming drinking guidebook called
xxxxx.
This is your chance to support your favorite local bar/lounge/coffee shop/teahouse/other type of drinkery (especially those small, family-owned businesses that appreciate the attention—they can’t afford an advertising budget) and let the world know why drinking and dining in LA is so great. Foodies of all occupations and day jobs are encouraged to apply.
...
* Please note that there is no pay for this gig. You will get a byline and bio in the book and on the site, free copies of the book (which is available in all major bookstores), and an invitation to our launch party, as well as opportunities for regular paying food writing gigs down the road.*

A byline and a bio? Free copies of the book? An invitation to your launch party? It's a good thing they offer all this great stuff, because when the landlord comes knocking, you can politely inform him that you've been generously compensated with free copies of a drinking guidebook (which includes your name and a short bio!), and you'll be happy to pay him this month's rent with THAT.

Exhibit C:

xxxx.com is a new social lifestyle guide to the Hamptons. We’ll have you covered on nightlife, food & wine, events, style, and more. The site is in beta and planning a launch on Memorial Day Weekend. We are seeking an Online Director to manage and grow it for summer 2009.
Compensation: Summer room in beautiful Southampton home (value $10,000), senior title in growing online media business, fun editor perks
Start immediately to 9/15/09
Duties:
Help develop editorial voice of xxxx.com
Develop content contributor network
Blogging + message board seeding
Help produce video content/interactive features
Marketing & Promotion
Sponsorship Development & Outreach
Reqs:
2+ yrs of media/web/marketing experience
Passion for lifestyle writing, avid interest in the Hamptons
Familiarity with basic web tools such as HTML and/or CMS platforms
Marketing/sales experience a plus

Another job where they want years of experience (and passion! must always have passion!), but the comp is basically nil. I like this one, though, because they give you that illusion of compensation -- a room, which, apparently, is worth $10,000. How do you think they came up with that figure? And how do they expect you to pay for things like food, deodorant, toothpaste, etc? And what kind of room are we talking about here? Is it furnished with a Hastens bed and Baker furniture? Is it a blow-up mattress on the floor? Who lives in the house? A hoard of will-work-for-food interns on break from NYU? Is that what they mean by "fun editor perks"?

LOL Cat of the Month

2009-05-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

I figure this is how Kelly Rowland feels about the whole Beyonce situation:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

I had to change it from LOL cat of the month since I have been lax at posting lately.

LMFAO Loves Peace, Puppies, and Butterflies

2009-04-30T15:02:00.000-07:00

I interviewed LMFAO at USC's Derby Days for L.A. Record. The guys are just as entertaining in person as they are on the radio and in paper, so I thought I'd share this.

Canned Tuna, I Salute Thee

2009-04-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

When you live in L.A., you have to be thinny and/or skinny (depending on the time of the month/year). When I need a big boost, I go on a regimen that goes sort of like this:
1. Hydroxycut with a big glass of water when I get hungry, to keep me from eating for a little bit longer then,
2. Eat
3. Aili, depending on the fat content of what I just ate -- if oatmeal, then no Aili; if bacon on the side of my oatmeal, Aili
4. Repeat for lunch
5. Dinner with a multi-vitamin

But when I get to where I want to be, which is usually something like a paltry 2-3 lbs later, I switch over to a tuna diet, and for good reason.

This is for my BFF, Bridget Blonde, who balks when I want to split a tuna sandwich. From AskMen.com, the highest authority on canned tuna fish:

"Since protein is such a vital component of any diet and is designed to help build muscle or lose body fat, finding some taste-bud friendly canned tuna meals will make reaching your protein goals that much easier.If you're often short in your daily protein intake, you simply will not get the results you’re looking for in the gym, so protein intake is something that absolutely must not be overlooked.

Canned tuna is often shunned by dieters because many people don't care for the taste. This is unfortunate, because not only is it cheap and incredibly fast to prepare, it’s also virtually carb- and fat-free, making it a solid source of protein for those who are either trying to strip off extra layers of body fat or build muscle mass.

If you know some simple cooking tricks, you can revitalize your canned tuna meals and you might just start to look forward to it as a mainstay in your diet. Here are 10 different ways you can whip up healthy canned tuna meals in less than 10 minutes."

If you want to know how to glamorize the king of canned fish, click here.

A Tribute to Little Miss Perfect

2009-03-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

WEtv's Little Miss Perfect has proved to be one of my favorite shows on TV right now (right behind RuPaul's Drag Race), so in the spirit of pitting children against one another to see who's the most attractive, I've devised a celeb baby beauty pageant.

The following are the nominees (as determined by outlets like Life&Style and Us) for the cutest celeb baby:

Suri Cruise

Violet Grohl

Violet Affleck

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

What Do You Call This?

2009-03-20T17:57:00.000-07:00

My friend (and former NYU classmate) Resalin wrote an article for the Dallas Examiner, and I'm not sure that I believe that the guy in question was trying to cheat on his wife. You can decide for yourself here.

I guess my bigger problem is that my friend seemed to think she'd be forfeiting control of the situation if she agreed to share a meal with this person. This didn't take place in a third-world country where society places a huge rift between the sexes such that women must bend to a man's every whim. Even if she is in Texas.

I don't know what this guy's intentions were, but hers should be able to trump his, which is why I don't understand why she was so aghast. Unless she shared with this man an uncontrollable, all-consuming urge to have sex with any man who eats at the same table where she does. Then I could understand her ire.

What do you think?

WTf Pic of the Day

2009-03-20T09:36:00.001-07:00

Daniel Edwards, the man who brought you Brit giving birth on a bearskin rug and the "Paris Hilton Autopsy" has presented society with another gem that isn't a total piece of poop -- behold OctoArt:

At first I thought it was another one of those ridiculous lipstick carvings someone did of Brad and Angelina, only better.

What do you think? Look good over your fireplace, maybe? Or on the coffee table? How about next to the bed as a reminder to use birth control EVERY TIME? Or next to your check book as a reminder to pay your taxes so this lady can keep herself in French tips and half-million-dollar houses?

"Could be a crackhead that got hold to the wrong stuff, and it told him to get up to the tree and play a leprechaun."

2009-03-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

Ah, the classic leprechaun-in-a-tree news clip. So many wonderful sound bytes. Which one is your favorite?

Happy Saint Patrick's Day.

WTF Pic of the Day

2009-03-13T14:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, regular eye shadow is not enough. Sometimes, you need to let people know that you can find a tattoo artist who will stick his needles into your eyelids. Sometimes, you're one of the whacked Mexican Drug Cartel murderer guys who got busted, and now everyone can identify you because you have eyes tattooed on your eyes. And sometimes, people just make bad decisions. And have them tattooed on their face.

This is Why I Love Thom Yorke, and, by Association, Radiohead. I Mean, I Love Them Anyway, But Now I Love Them More.

2009-03-13T12:06:00.000-07:00

Miley Cyrus threw a little post-Grammys hissy fit on the radio after she got snubbed by Radiohead backstage:

"I'm like, these are the people I really want to meet. I'd freak out. They're my rock gods. These are the only people that I would cry over…My manager asked and said, 'Miley's really obsessed. And they were like, 'We don't really do that.' .... I left 'cause I was so upset. I wasn't going to watch. Stinkin' Radiohead! I'm gonna ruin them, I'm going to tell everyone."

Radiohead (via UsWeekly, natch) issued a response:

"When Miley grows up, she'll learn not to have such a sense of entitlement."

Thank you, Mr. Yorke.

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

2009-03-05T12:13:00.000-08:00

Wacko Jacko's Backo: She-Man Michael will performing at the O2 Theatre in London (BOOK YOUR TIX NOW!) starting July 9th. The 10-show residency is supposedly Michael's last string of performances (if he pays off all the debtors): Perez Hilton

Funny Man Down: Robin Williams has postponed the remainder of his "Weapons of Self Destruction" Tour to have heart surgery. His reps released a statement saying Williams will have to "undergo surgery for an aortic valve replacement." Hope he's back on his feet again soon!: TMZ

He Likes His Women Like His Chicken: Battered and Fried: Chris Brown has been charged with two felonies by the L.A. County D.A. for giving Rihanna a beatdown: Felony assault and making criminal threats. He is being arraigned today in downtown L.A.: Just Jared

Who's Going to Crash His Wedding?: Vince Vaughn is engaged as of Valentine's Day this year. Aniston's ex proposed to Canadian real-estate agent Kyla Weber with a $125,000, 4-carat diamond: Calgary Herald

In Other News ...

2009-03-04T18:22:00.000-08:00

I'm working on a story for the City Beat about the oldest gay bar in Hollywood, and as it turns out, there is at least one place on Cahuenga where a man (straight or gay) can get paid $20 to have another man perform fellatio on him in the bathroom. I'm not naming any names, people!

Also, CrossFit in Hollywood kicked my ass for the second time yesterday, but I'm skinnier than I was last week. Here's the workout -- do it as fast as you can:

20 pull-ups

30 push-ups

40 sit-ups

50 squats

All that equals one set. We did five sets with a three-minute break between each one. And then I couldn't walk.

(Full disclosure: My friend Bridget and I only did half the quantity -- i.e., 10 pull-ups, 15 push-ups, etc. It was still hard.)

WTF Pic of the Day

2009-03-04T18:14:00.000-08:00

Here's your girl Brit at the kick-off of her new tour, wearing what appears to be a hallucination I had in 1997.

What the eff kind of circus is this, anyway?

Disturbia-ing (I know, I know ...)

2009-03-04T17:58:00.000-08:00

Say it ain't so, RiRi!!!: The Ike and Tina of our generation got married? Something's not ringing true ... but you never know. Chris done knocked the sense outta that girl -- why else would she go back? : Star

"Don't Believe Everything You Hear." -- Yeah, Right.

2009-02-26T20:18:00.000-08:00

Tom and Gisele were rumored to be engaged earlier this year, but the couple denied it over and over again.

Well, today the two of them got married. Maybe they got married without being engaged first?

Ms. Kidman, Is There Something You'd Like to Tell Us?

2009-02-26T17:43:00.001-08:00

Ol' Aussie Girl looks preggers or really full all the time. Just sayin'.

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

2009-02-26T15:49:00.000-08:00

I'm a million years late on this one, but Megan Fox and the dork from Beverly Hills 90210 have broken up. A million man march will be held in LA to comemorate this blessing from the Heavens to men everywhere -- now they have something they didn't have before: hope. UsMagazine.com

Speaking of hot girls breaking free, Hef's right-hand bed-pan changer Holly Madison has called it quits with human herpes farm Criss Angel. E!

Rosie O'Donnel anounced that she is off the hooch. Who knew roly-poly Rosie had a drinking problem? I just thought she had an eating problem: Perez Hilton

Can't a brother get a break? The "friend" who was riding with Morgan Freeman when his car crashed in Mississippi last year is suing him for "medical expenses, pain and suffering, lost wages, permanent disability (short term memory loss) and additional damages." She must be friends with Heather Mills: TMZ

I Love You, Jesus

2009-02-26T15:29:00.000-08:00

I know that it is a divine miracle that my favorite movie of all time is getting the remake treatment!

Clue is going to have another go, and I CAN'T WAIT. Pleeeease tell me Tim Curry will come back as ... well, something. And I want a bunch of different endings again, too. I'm a demanding person.

Pirates of the Carribean director Gore Verbinski has signed on. Who do you think will be Colonel Mustard? Miss Peacock? Prof. Plum, Ms. Scarlett, Ms. White ... oh, and Mr. Green. That guy was the easiest to forget outta all of the Clue characters. What does he do? He's not a prof or a colonel; I bet he was the mansion's janitor dressed up to look important so he could crash the party. Or he's a gigolo. One or the other.

THANK YOOUUUUUUU ---- this is my pic for best picture of the year for 200??? When is this flick coming out?

In other board game-movie news, Universal inked a deal with Hasbro to adapt several other games into films: Monolopy, which Ridley Scott is working on; Candyland, which I already mentioned below; and -- wtf?? -- the Ouija board? Weird.

LOL Cat of the Week

2009-02-23T17:40:00.000-08:00

Last night, some of the most entertaining acceptance speeches were given by people for whom English is a second, third or fourth language. Like that Japanese guy who won best short animation pic who thanked Mr. Roboto. I'm not making that up.

In the spirit of that kind man, whose name is Kunio Kato and whose site is here [and is much better if you can read Japanese -- someone get Hannah], I present you with a long-overdue LOL Cat of the Week:

Everyone's Fave Lezzie Couple Wants a Kid

2009-02-19T13:06:00.000-08:00

Portia and Ellen told Star that they want a baby. Someone should tell them that Octomom gots the babies to go around. Ellen could hire Chuy from Chelsea Lately to dress up like a leprechaun and lure one of those babies away with a Barney video and a clean carseat. How long do you think it would take for Nadya Suleman to notice one of her 14 is missing?

Anywhoodle, a source sez Portia would be willing to try IVF as many times as necessary to get a bundle of joy. She could just go to Octomom's doctor and knock out a baker's dozen in a few months. Then Ellen could get the cast of the L Word to watch all of them -- I bet Shane would give them all edgy haircuts. They'd be the baddest babies on the block.

Watch out!

Fabulousness, Courtesy of Your Girl Ru

2009-02-18T12:05:00.000-08:00

I interviewed RuPaul at the Chateau Marmont a few weeks ago, and (s)he was such a doll to me that I have to plug this video in for y'all. It's from his new show on Logo, RuPaul's Drag Race.

Sometimes, All a Man Has is His Dog ...

2009-02-18T08:59:00.000-08:00

... Except when it dies. Then he has nothing. Loki, Mickey Rourke's 18-year-old chihuahua -- and one of the dogs that was thanked in Rourke's Golden Globe acceptance speech -- has died.

This is so tragic, especially with the Oscars only five days away. Hopefully, Rourke has lots of other doggies to keep him warm in Loki's place. Or a gorrilla. Or one of those gay guys he's been so friendly with lately.

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

2009-02-17T12:00:00.000-08:00

Our Lady of the exquisite chichis has gotten ... Married?: Yes, baby boys everywhere wept when they found out that Salma Hayek, who most recently made headlines for playing wet nurse to a starving baby, had a secret wedding in Paris on Valentine's Day. Civil service ceremony only for the milky Latina and her ex-fiance, billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault, who is the father of Salma's daughter, Valentina. E!

She's just not that into Paris's Sloppies: "Two pseudo-famous people sitting next to each other ... doesn't mean we were bumping uglies." Thank you, Katy Perry, for clearing that up. We wouldn't want Benji Madden's stink rubbing off on your goods: Kitty Purry's Blog

Lil Wayne is sued for pulling a Janet: The Grammy-award winning hip-hop artist blew off his Rochester, N.Y. gig three times after receiving a $100,000 advance from the show's promoter, who's suing Weezy for $1.3MM. Who's making it rain now?: Perez Hilton

What the F?: Facebook sez that they own whatever content you put on their site. Sickos. I've always preferred MySpace: Facebook Blog

If You Have a Gazillion Dollars, and You Want to Crush That Slow-Moving Hummer on the Freeway ...

2009-02-16T14:14:00.000-08:00

You can get one of these:

We saw one riding up to the Grammys when we were on a wild goose chase for the artist entrance to the red carpet (don't worry; we found it).

Basically, it's a giant gas-guzziling street-legal monstrosity for those who care more about smashing things than about the saving the environment. It can be yours for the bailout-worthy price of $310,000 (base model, no bells and whistles; luxury upgrades are available).

Rappers, government security types and dictators of small Eastern-European countries can find out more information here.

How to Keep Things In Perspective

2009-02-14T23:03:00.001-08:00

Jesus Take the Wheel: God came down and told the woman with the world's longest fingernails to get a life. Of course, this happened in Utah, the only state where God is still able to do this kind of thing. (Thanks, Mormons!)

Lee Redmond, who was blessed by the Guiness Book of World Records as the posessor of the world's longest fingernails, was involved in a car accident Thursday. Sadly, her fingernails are no more.

Or rather, they're back to their normal length. She hasn't cut them since 1979.

Redmond celebrated (mourned?) by wiping her own butt.

Obsess Much?

2009-02-13T11:57:00.000-08:00

Nadya Suleman seems to be pre-occupied with being a broke-ass version of Anglina Jolie -- right down to getting her face to match the A-list starlet's. "My Womb is a Clown Car" Suleman had rhinoplasty so that her nose resembles Jolie's and had her lips plumped up to trout-like proportions before going on MSNBC with Ann Curry (full disclosure: when asked by Ann if she had her lips done, Nadya said no). For a lady on disability and food stamps, I guess she's doing ok if she can afford cosmetic surgical procedures. Maybe her mom gave her a surgery allowance.

Don't forget to visit her Web site so you can donate money to her -- she'll need a breast lift and tummy tuck after birthing her gazillion babies. Not to mention a labioplasty. And getting your delicate French tips refilled at the nail salon once a week isn't cheap, either. Just sayin'.

Pre- and post- surgery pics:
And the real deal:

I'm Gonna Cry ...

2009-02-12T17:59:00.000-08:00

This has got to be one of the saddest pics I've seen. One of the firefighters working to get the Victoria brush fires under control found this injured koala and shared his water with it. Someone save those dang koalas out there! Donations to the Australian Red Cross can be made here.

WTF Pic of the Day

2009-02-12T17:40:00.001-08:00

Octo-Mom, this isn't how nature intended it to be. If you want to give her money, you can do it here: thenadyasulemanfamily.com

She Wants to Bail Out the Milk Companies in China

2009-02-12T17:18:00.000-08:00

Lucie J. Kim has decided to file a class-action lawsuit on behalf of the people of Los Angeles county who have slanted eyes and were offended by a recent picture that Miley Cyrus. In case you live under a rock, here it is:

Lucie claims to represent one million Asians in LA who each want $4,000 (the minimum for a civil rights violation) to ease the pain of seeing Miley do her best Kung-Fu actor impression. Or something like that.

This picture actually seems to be a conglomeration of civil-rights violations: Miley and her buddy on the far left seem to be making China eyes, another person is doing the sleepy confused face, the girl is doing the "Can't poop" face, another seems to be doing the "one in the pink, one in the stink face" and one guy is obviously making fun of stoners. So I think someone needs to rep not only Asians, but constipated people, sexual deviants and weed smokers.

Having a Crazy Moment

2009-02-06T17:45:00.000-08:00

What. The. Eff. Nadya Suleman, can we chat?

You think you'll be able to support your 14 babies after you finish your "schooling." Assuming that you'll be able to go back to school in the fall, as you plan to do, and finish your master's degree, which would be difficult for ANY mom with multiple kids and no dad, you think a master's in counseling will get you a job that pays enough to feed, clothe and shelter 15 mouths? Oh, and I thougtht this was funny -- the school you're supposedly going to attend has a day-care center.

Imagine you're anyone but Nadya Suleman -- and you want to take your kid (maybe even two -- hey, it happens) to that same day care. When you get there, 14 kids from a single mom are already hogging all the day care space. Frankly, I'd be pissed. And this is a lady who keeps talking about how selfish she isn't.

Lady, I got news for you! You are selfish, and crazy to boot. Just ask your mom, who is stuck with all those kids, and your dad, who had to go to work as a contractor in Iraq to support your retarded decisions. Way to go!

And by the way, since when did an unselfish person who just gave birth a thousand times go get lip injections for her interview on the Today show?

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Nadya Suleman, I don't know you, but if I met you, I might want to punch you in your fat, surgically enhanced mouth.

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

2009-02-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

Candyland: It's ON. The movie, that is. The guy who penned "Tropic Thunder" will be delivering a delicious film adapted from the tastiest board game ever: Variety

There really will be a SATC 2, I wasn't just putting SJP up next to the Cowardly Lion for nuthin': E!

Etta James is pissed at Beyonce for singing HER song at the inauguration. Will Sasha Fierce's robot hand save her from the ORIGINAL diva?: Bossip

Sex and the City 2:

2009-02-05T13:16:00.000-08:00

... Will Carrie find the ruby slippers and marry the tin man?

see famous look-a-like faces

Ah, to be 14 ...

2009-02-03T18:22:00.000-08:00

Dakota Fanning's skin looks like angels wept and the tears joined and formed a beautiful veil of glowing dewiness on her face.

Dakota was in New York promoting her new flick, "Push," on Letterman. Oh, and she talked about being a vampire.

My New Favorite Work of Art by Wilhelm Staehle

2009-02-02T16:03:00.000-08:00

I don't like kids.

Someone Please Show This Woman to the Condom Aisle

2009-01-31T00:24:00.000-08:00

I recently found out that the lady who had the second set of living octuplets in history already has six kids. That's something you probably heard, too.

But this was something I didn't know: This lady is only 33, and of the foregoing kids, there is already one set of twins. The woman's mom said that this baby-making machine had eight embryos implanted last year. There's been suspiciously little talk of any father. She filed for bankruptcy less than two years ago, and is living with her mother.

Lady, it's called respect for human life! Call me a callous bia, but I think that having that many kids growing up in a house where you can't even support them (or yourself) financially is cruel. And weird. Very, very weird. Not to mention the level of sibling rivalry that these kids will have to endure. How many bathrooms do you think this house has, anyway? These kids are going to be surviving on Hot Pockets and Ramen. And not the good Ramen. The kind they schlep for sale at ghetto tiendas that smell like dead meat.

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this lady can probably hula-hoop with her vag now.

The WTF Pic of the Day

2009-01-31T00:11:00.000-08:00

Paris Hilton has been shopping at Kim Zolciak's wig salon. This thing looks like a hair Snuggie. Someone call Crystal Gail and Lady Godiva and tell them a stuck-up coke head is totally biting their style. SMH.

Sweet Mother of GOD, She's NAKED.

2009-01-29T01:05:00.000-08:00

Someone tell Lisa Rinna this shiz is not appropriate. I feel eye-raped. And to think she was wearing this to interview Brad and Angie. No wonder she couldn't talk. She could probably feel the wind blowing on her cooch the whole time.

And I know this is almost over the line, but look, I'm just letting you know that you are in fact seeing what you think you are seeing:

CUT Ups

2009-01-29T00:12:00.000-08:00

Mmmm ... Wolfgang, you make a mean steak.

We were at CUT at the Beverly Wilshire with Won-G; Mr. Puck stopped by to say hi, David Spade was spotted looking as short and more bearded than usual (but with the requisite arm candy) and the walls were adorned with over-sized, exsquisite photographs of George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Barack Obama and ... Speidi?

Why are Spencer and Heidi on the wall with these uber A-listers and the leader of the free world? Can someone please shake some sense into the people who run this restaurant? The bubbleheads' pics belong somewhere else; the walls Taco Bell, maybe.

Here's a little Paris for you (YES, I LOVE HER, I'M NOT SORRY) courtesey of your boy Won-G.

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

2009-01-28T17:39:00.000-08:00

Michelle Obama ... P-P-P-PREGNANT? Explains that "fluffy" inaug outfit: Perez Hilton

Lisa Rinna's BEGGING to be hired on the new Melrose Place. Apparently, she can no longer afford to maintain her lip injections, so she may be forced to smoosh the goo in her boobies up to her mouth. It's called recycling, people: E! Online

Kim Kardashian thinks Jessica Simpson looks great in her chili outfit. They should have a tray of enchiladas together to celebrate how hot they both are: People.com

The WTF Pic of the Day

2009-01-28T17:33:00.000-08:00

Our Lovely Lady of Cellulite has posted pics of her new favorite sunglasses on her Web site ... and she looks exactly like a robo-blow-up doll now. Loves it.

Kim, you can do no wrong in my eyes, because yours are so big and ringed with beautiful spider-leg like lashes. I commend you and your daring fashion accessorization.

80's Music Video of the Week

2009-01-28T17:28:00.000-08:00

Once again, it's not from the 80's, but since we're moving, I thought it was appropriate.

Supporting? Lead? Wha?

2009-01-27T20:20:00.000-08:00

Dev Patel lost to Heath Ledger at the SAG Awards last weekend, which prompted me to ask:

"Dev Patel was a supporting actor in Slumdog Millionaire? Who was the lead?"

The whole movie, in case you haven't seen it, is based on the life of Dev Patel's character. They show his life as he grows from a young child to the age he is when he goes on "Who Wants to Be a Millionare."

Anyone know who the lead would be in this movie?

Dakota Fanning is a Vampire

2009-01-26T22:07:00.000-08:00

... or rather, she'll be playing one in the next cinematic installment of the Twilight series: TheInsider.com

Ugly Betty is on hold; Samantha Who? will be taking her spot. Apparently, we prefer people we don't know over ugly girls: Entertainment Weekly

Jessica Simpson performed at a chili cookoff in Florida this weekend; did she get there early and eat all the entries?: TMZ

For the Grandma Who Likes to Go Commando

2009-01-26T16:52:00.001-08:00

Grannies, ready your fannies, your glitter and your glue guns.

Paris Hilton debuted her scrapbooking kit at the Craft & Hobby Association 2009 Winter Convention & Trade Show.

Splash News.com won't let me use their photos, so you'll have to visit the link if you want to see the shiz.

BTW, why is no one talking about her obvious breast enhancement?

The WTF Pic of the Day

2009-01-26T16:08:00.000-08:00

Jenna's about seven months into baking her twins in her much-used oven, and she looks like she's ready to blow already. And what the hell is Heidi doing here? Prego Queen of All Porn, meet She-Who-Fakes-Wedding-to-Douche-on-Reality-TV. Does anyone need a drink and birth-control pill?

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

2009-01-25T22:59:00.001-08:00

Lil' Kim sounds off on how she's portrayed in Notorious, and she's not happy:

"I wasn’t even able to choose who I wanted to portray me in this movie. I would
have never picked Naturi, she doesn’t have a Lil Kim aura at all! She looks
nothing like I looked back then. We have NO similarities. Watching her on-screen
was so “dreadful” as Simon Cowell would say....The world will see the Lil Kim
story, THE REAL ME! Not some made up bullshit portrayed by a talentless has-been back up singer.”

Frankly, I don't think even Lil' Kim has seen the "real" Lil' Kim since her plastic surgeon went to work: Bossip

Some A-hole is trying to extort $25MM from the Travoltas by threatening to publish photos taken of Jett as he lay dying in the ambulance that took him to the hospital: TMZ.com

Lisa Rinna and her fake plastic parts were all a-quiver when she was trying to interview Brangelina, but E!'s Giuliana Rancic is obviously a pro at interviewing them (except for all the leading questions): PopSugar

And did anyone see Katie Holmes's lopsided nips when she was presenting on the SAG Awards? GOOOSECHIIIILS!: Just Jared

HORRORS: A monster truck rally promotor is run over -- at the monster truck rally he was promoting: KOMO News.com

LOL Cat of the Week

2009-01-25T21:52:00.000-08:00

For when you feel the weight of the economy starting to take its toll, and you start to crack up:
more animals

Chinese Milk Does NOT Do a Body Good, Especially If You're the One Selling It / Carry Mace If You Go to Virginia Tech

2009-01-25T19:56:00.000-08:00

A couple of Chinese dairy execs have been sentenced to DEATH as the result of a food safety scandal that left at least six children dead.

Dairy execs spiked their milk with the chemical melamine to make the protein count appear higher, but it caused kidney stones in children.

Also, some think that the scandal was covered up until after the Beijing Olympics were over.

Gosh, China! There's so much craziness here, I don't know where to start -- the milk-spiking, scandal-hiding, babies-with-kidney-stones, executive-killing madness has paralyzed me.

In other news, a Chinese PhD student DECAPITATED another Chinese student at an Au Bon Pain at Virginia Tech Wednesday.

You might remember that Virginia Tech is also where a Korean student shot 32 of his classmates and teachers before killing himself in April 2007.

Note to self: Don't take classes at Virginia Tech or anger any of the Asians who are enrolled there.

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

2009-01-20T01:02:00.000-08:00

Kelly Osbourne has been arrested for assault: Life & Style

Julia Roberts does show emotion off the silver screen, but it's directed at the paparazzi (for whom emotion should be muted, if conveyed at all): What Would Tyler Durden Do

One of the skanks on the Rock of Love Bus busted her saline boob sack while playing hockey: Dlisted

People don't like U2's new single: Perez Hilton, boston.com

Please tell me that's a booger, Lindsay:

LOL Cat of the Week

2009-01-19T22:26:00.000-08:00

This one's for Andrea, whose cat has gone to the big litterbox in the sky.

more animals

My Best Advice to You ...

2009-01-17T15:53:00.001-08:00

Things are not good right now (January is such a bad month anyway, but now we have that whole recession thing mussing it all up a bit more than usual). I know a lot of you are running around like Chicken Little screaming about the economy -- or just doing it like me, and sinking into the sofa grumbling about it with a bottle of Cutty Sark. Mmm. Crappy booze.

Hey, we all have to cut back somewhere.

Well, things are going to get better ... someday. In the mean time, I present you with the 80's Music Video of the Week. It gives me fond memories of living in Chelsea. Enjoy.

What's That? You Need to Get Rid of a Dead Body?

2009-01-13T04:36:00.000-08:00

Next time you're wondering how you can get rid of some unwanted items in short order I bid you to take this advice:

Ship it with Federal Express. It helps if you are shipping it to an aparment complex or a house on a busy street.

I shipped my luggage from NYC to LA (3 bags, including an over-sized Louis Vuitton overnight tote), and the delivery man left my stuff on the front doorstep, outside, in a common area, where it was -- can you guess by now? Surely you can.

Stolen.

The contents, aside from various material goods that were expensive but mostly replaceable, included every notebook I kept from my final semester in grad school.

Hold on ----I'm gonna cry ----- okay, I'm better. But trust me, there's a lot of Dewars in my life right now. More than usual. Especially late at night.

So my worldy possessions from my time in New York are gone, courtesy of Fed Ex. Apparently, this happens a lot. [Google "Fed Ex stolen packages" and you'll see what I mean, but only do it if you want to be depressed.]

Anywhoodle, if you're moving or doing spring cleaning and discover that you no longer need a wide variety of household items, just pack 'em up and ship 'em with Fed Ex. Your stuff will be disposed of, and if it's stolen, you don't have to pay for shipment. It's like having the junk yard come and pick your junk up for you. Voila, and you're welcome.

Things to Do When You're Feeling a Bit Too Precious

2009-01-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

1) Ship your expensive fall wardrobe (including fall section of exquisite shoe collection including YSL and Louboutin) to your new house, then get someone to steal all of it.

2) Get someone to scratch your new car.

3) Eat an entire box of crappy choco-chip cookies, then cry about your new-found spare tire.

4) Wallow in self-pity online so everyone knows how pathetic you are.

5) Repeat.

A "Look-at-MEEEEE!!!!" Moment for a "Real" Housewife

2009-01-05T14:56:00.000-08:00

Kim Zolciak launched her official blog yesterday, prompting millions of people to ask, "Who's Kim Zolciak?"

I kid! You know everyone's secretly hooked on The Real(ly Retarded) Housewives of Atlanta. I know I am. NENE I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Incidentally, Kim is not even married. Just sayin'.

Anywhoodle, Kim was vacationing in the Bahamas for the holidays and found the perfect opportunity to remind everyone that her "30-year-old" [AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!] figure is so hot that people just flock to photograph it. To wit:

"Recently I vacationed with my two girls for the Christmas
holiday's in the Bahamas and found some photos that someone snapped of me while
at the beach."

Yes, she "found" some really posed photos of her in a bikini that "somone" took of her on a beach in the Bahamas. Sure.

Any young female celeb/Matthew McConaughey goes to beach all made up and artificially tan and just "happens" to get photographed, golly gee! Who knew that I'd have my picture taken in this little bathing suit with my hair and makeup done???

Look lady, that's the oldest, OLDEST trick in the book (see Kardashian, Kim), right behind getting married to a person of the opposite sex so adoring fans and Hollywood casting directors don't know you're actually a homosexual (Will and Jada, I'm looking in YOUR direction).

Let's just hope she doesn't play a loop of "Tightrope" on the site.

Watch Out

2009-01-01T17:26:00.000-08:00

Theft is rampant now that the economy is in the crapper. Just look at this:

Things You Don't Usually Think About ...

2008-12-29T23:20:00.000-08:00

... are on totallylookslike.com. For example:

Katy Perry totally looks like Zooey Deschanel.

And:

Javier Bardem totally looks like Jeffrey Dean Morgan, much to my pleasant surprise. The more Bardem, the better.

And:

Slovenia totally looks like a running chicken.

Discuss.

Prince vs. The Empress

2008-12-28T23:24:00.000-08:00

Prince, the man [?] entirely deserving of the images his name conjures, was spotted at a Lakers game last weekend in some interesting footwear.

Now don't get me wrong; if given the chance, I would gladly wipe the foot sweat from between this man's toes. He is one of the greatest performers and guitartists ever, IMPO.

BUT -- his affinity for platforms and high heels has always weirded me out, and this case is no exception. Behold:

The man responsible for Raspberry Beret is wearing lucite heels. Shauna Sand's reign as the Empress of Lucite may be over if His Crushed-Velvet Majesty decides to take over that particular throne. Shauna, consider yourself warned.

And, in honor of He of Purple Velvet and Lace, I present to you the 80's Music Video of the Week (although in all honesty, this is not from the 80's):

Let's Not Squander All That Handsome Malaysian Talent

2008-12-27T23:45:00.000-08:00

Malaysians are not inferior! And to drive that point home, Malaysian officials have banned a car advertisement featuring Brad Pitt to keep Malaysians from feeling badly about themselves.

"We barred the advertisement as it appeared as a humiliation against Asians," said the Malaysian Deputy Information Minister, who is trying to weed out Western faces in Malaysian advertising. He said, "Why do we have to use their faces in our advertisements? Are our own people not handsome?"

Please don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answer to. SMH.

I think this is the ad they're complaining about -- how many Toyota commercials could Brad Pitt be in?

P.S.
Someone should tell the Malaysian deputy minister of information about a little something called Anime if he's worried about Western faces making Malaysians feel inferior.

Burger King Unveils the Most Elegant Scent of the Year

2008-12-26T18:25:00.000-08:00

You too can attract the neighbor's dog, Star Jones and David Hasselhoff when you wear Burger King's latest offering to the burger-loving public: "Flame," a men's body spray that smells like "the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat." Yummy.
Will the Burger King outsell Britney's "Curious," Hilary Duff's "With Love" or Jessica Simpson's "Fancy"? The Dairy Queen's next move should be a no-brainer.

In other news, my sister said this while we were watching an E! News report on Heath Ledger's performance in The Dark Knight:

"You can totally tell where they had to switch actors."

Intrigued, I asked her to elaborate. She explained that Heath Ledger died half way through the filming and had to be replaced with Johnny Depp.

She actually believed this.

Did anyone else here this ridiculousness?

Oh Honey, NO.

2008-12-09T12:36:00.002-08:00

Those crazy soap stars, always on board for some panty shenanigans:

Shrek Called. He Wants His Big Toes Back.

2008-12-08T22:53:00.007-08:00

I absolutely love Kate Winslet -- she's prim, pretty, beautiful -- but she has ugly big toes. The rest of her toes are cute, clean, and decidedly British-looking.

But her big toes look like they were wrenched off of a cave-dwelling ogre, cleaned up and slapped on her feet. This is rather unfortunate for her, because otherwise, she's just about perfect.

If you see Revolutionary Road, which is very, very good, you'll get a chance to see what I'm talking about near the end of the film.

That being said, here's a lovely picture of your girl Kate at the premiere of The Readers, a movie in which she appears nude. Enjoy.

80's Music Video of the Week

2008-12-08T12:24:00.001-08:00

One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster!!!!

Compliments of Liz.

Geniusness

2008-12-04T15:49:00.003-08:00

Here's an excerpt from an evaluation someone left out at the NYU school of journalism, or the "Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute." We're churning out some goodies over here.

Q: What subject would you have liked the instructor to spend more time on? Less time on?

A: diversity focused more on problems facing america, and to expand diversity beyond race.

Q: What other advice do you have for the instructor?

A: Forget trying to get conservatives to come talk to the class. It's nice to try to be objective but it would be more productive if we could put recources into getting more intelligent people than Gordan Liddy.

Q: Please use this space for any additional comments:

A: I was told this was one of the more miserable courses at nyu but i really feel that the proffesor contributed to the fun envirnment that mad the work load tolerable

Apparently, spelling is not taught at the Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute, nor is grammar, punctuation, or how to string together a coherent sentence.

Prospective students to the "Institute," I suggest you save your money.

In Case You Were Wondering ...

2008-12-04T14:22:00.005-08:00

Creed may be reuniting, a certain someone on a certain popular episodic still breastfeeds her two-year-old son, Andre Leon Talley doesn't like being interviewed -- in fact, he'll sneak quietly past the red carpet all together -- and I still don't know exactly where I'm living come January 1. Somewhere in America, I can be sure of that much.

Suggestions?

What Would Karl Lagerfeld Say?

2008-12-03T08:45:00.003-08:00

Art Basel is opening in Miami this week, and here's a pic from one of the galleries. It's Coco Chanel, in all her ridiculous glory, ogling a model and looking like she's probably closely related to the Marlboro Man.

I Love Her and All Her Millions, But ...

2008-12-02T22:34:00.003-08:00

... Will someone please tell Beyonce to invest in a Gilette Quattro? This sweet girl had time to rub herself down with glitter lotion, but couldn't be bothered to shave her pits for the Cadillac Records premiere. Just in case you don't know, Bey, YES, we're watching every inch. Sorry.

And so this pic makes me wonder if her makeup artists also airbrushes more than her face -- does it look a little like a patch of concealer is strategically placed on her underarm? Just sayin'.

Spaghetti Cat

2008-12-02T21:44:00.003-08:00

This is sort of a LOL Cat/Music Video of the Week Combo, and I can't stop laughing when I watch these two vids:

And then, someone made a music video for it, because we need this to pop up everywhere for no reason at all. It's called, Spaghetti Cat (I Weep for You):

Need Internet, Will Try Anything

2008-11-25T10:54:00.004-08:00

Click on the button to hear my attempt to plug the ethernet cord that stretches into my room from the living room into my "roommate's" modem. [This will redirect you to the site where I'm hosting the file.]

Some background: I covered the red carpet at the International Emmy Awards last night, and needed to e-mail my event file to my boss at Us Weekly -- so I needed an internet connection. I noticed the ethernet cord in the room I'm renting from the lady I live with, but I found that, after follwing it along doorways and baseboards, that it was not plugged into the modem.

Since it was raining and the coffeeshop I ususally go to for internet access was already closed, I thought I would ask my roommate to let me plug HER cord into HER modem so I could plug it into my computer, knowing that she might flip out. But hey, she's already kicking me out, so what have I got to lose? I started recording our "conversation" after about three minutes.

This isn't on the recording, but the police came -- 3 of them -- and she shut the door in their faces when they showed up. Then they threatened to break the door down, and she let them in. They listened to her rant about how I have no right to use her stuff, then they took our information and left. The end.

I had to go to Noah Taylor's house to use the internet. Thanks, Noah!

It's Official...I'm Homeless

2008-11-22T12:29:00.005-08:00

The angry old lady I live with has given me a week to move out. Her breaking points?

- I didn't use both hands to shut the door when I was leaving for lunch today OR when I went out yesterday evening. This caused the door to shut more loudly than she likes.

- She said I was "stinking up" her apartment with my perfume, which I never used for this very reason.

She called me while I was having lunch to yell -- YELL -- at me over this stuff. The convo kind of went like this:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Phone rings, I see it's Erica.]

Me: Oh, great. [answers] Hello?

Erica: Yeah, hi, Sarah. I have asked you to use two hands to close the door and you're not doing it. You shut the door loudly last night, too, when you went out.

Me: No I didn't. I did it quietly.

Erica: [getting agitated] You didn't use two hands, you did it loudly last night, not when you came in, but when you left to go out.

Me: No, I shut the door quietly [knowing that it was actually too loud for her].

Erica: -- and you used your perfume the other night -- now this is how it's going to be --

Me: I never used perfume.

Erica: Well, I'm not going to argue with you --

Me: [cheerfully] Good! :) [hangs up]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I called her back, of course, because I felt a little guilty and knew that this wasn't going away.

Me: Erica?

Erica: Yeah, hi Sarah. I can't have you stinking up my apartment with your perfume, I told you this at the interview.

Me: Erica, I never used --

Erica: Just be out by the end of the month.
-------------------------------------------
Ok.

So, with about two weeks left in this semester, I'm looking for a place to stick myself and my stuff. I wish it was warmer outside!

80's Music Video of the Week

2008-11-16T15:51:00.003-08:00

Actually, it's from the 70's, but I hope you fault me for wanting to throw a little Elton John on the blog. Will someone please buy me these glasses. [sic]

He played at the Wall Street Cipriani Ballroom last week with Gladys Night while Liz and I were upstairs having drinks, and I WISH I had seen him play, but unfortunately, the $1,000 tix were not in my budg.

I Must Apologize...

2008-11-13T11:40:00.008-08:00

Apparently, I've been brainwashed by Us Weekly.

One of my former editors at the L.A. City Beat, Ron Garmon, informed me that he would rather have Thanksgiving dinner with a leper than anyone on my poll.

Some people don't want to have dinner with uber-celebs -- I get it, I knew it before, and I'm sorry I didn't think of that before I posted the poll.

So, in response to people (who are actually like me in not wanting to spy on celebs all the time), I will post a new poll about the poll I just posted.

I know ... I really need to get back to work.

Please, Please Run for Public Office

2008-11-11T10:48:00.004-08:00

Here's an e-mail from a guy who I now find insufferable.
I met him at a Houston bar and exchanged e-mail addresses with him. I let him know that I probably wouldn't be interested in dating him after his first e-mail. I won't tell you who he is, but one day, he might be an elected official in Texas.

I know, I'm a shit. [My comments in red brackets, and edited down for the sake of brevity.]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sarah, .... A couple of things in response to your e-mail. .... I would guess you do not meet many gentlemen who offer effusive compliments without expecting "something" in return. [actually... I do] Fair enough. So, I'll forgive you --- this time. [Phew, I was worried.]

Here's the deal... You are an enchanting woman. .... So my motive is very simple. I like you. And if I am not mistaken, I did not get the feeling you thought I was a jerk. [Me being polite does not equal me not thinking you're a jerk.]

Moreover ... I plan on seeking elected office in Texas and am working towards that .... [Please, please ...]

...In short, (I know, too late) [Yes] I'd love to be pen pals (you may need to look that up on Wikipedia), [Really? Do I even need to say anything here?] and share some time and thoughts via the written word we both love.

.... Well, back to fighing the forces of evil -- Big Pharma!!! And yes, I sometimes wear a cape to work; no tights -- though I do have dynamite legs! [Please do not share your cross-dressing fantasies with me; I really don't know you that well.] Not like yours, of course, but dynamite for a guy. And you can fully expect the e-mail compliments to continue. :) [And I realize that won't be happening now, but believe me, it's a relief]

Well, I hope to hear from you soon. [Please don't hold your breath --- On second thought ...]

The Trials and Tribs of an Us Intern

2008-11-11T10:33:00.004-08:00

It was a slow day (and relatively relaxing with our "Intern Coordinator on vacation), so I picked up nail art stickers from the Duane Reade in our building.

80's Music Video of the Week

2008-11-05T17:20:00.003-08:00

This one's for my Dad, cuz he got me hooked on Tears for Fears.

Black Gay Men Getting Married: The Best Movie You Probably Won't See

2008-11-01T18:22:00.008-07:00

"Noah's Arc" (also a series on Logo, the gay television network) is out now, and I never would have seen it because the premise sounded, well ... all over the map for stuff I don't usually see. It:

a) is a romantic comedy

b) revolves around marriage

c) is about black men

d) is (c), but doesn't star either Eddie Murphy or Martin Lawrence

So imagine my surprise when my mom suggested we see it. My Mom. She lives in East Texas, for chrissakes. She's married to a man who didn't see Brokeback Mountain because he was afraid people would find out. She grew up in a backwater town in Louisiana.

But she -- of all people ... the mind wobbles.

Anyway. It was a riot. You should go see it. Don't worry; if you do, I won't tell anyone.

Black Book Party Weirdness

2008-10-30T12:39:00.004-07:00

"If New Jersey didn't suck, New York would slip into the ocean." -Steve Lewis, designer of the new Aspen Social Club in Times Square.

"You met a stripper at Quizbowl? That's a glitch in the Matrix!" -Nick Rizzo's friend commenting on a girl he met.

Excuse Me, Do You Have a Pencil?

2008-10-30T12:34:00.003-07:00

Here's me in a crossword dress and Nick Rizzo in cool glasses at the Black Book party at the Aspen Social Club on Monday.

This is a Public Service Announcement

2008-10-29T07:42:00.006-07:00

My "pro-vote" video of the week, courtesy of Jay Thames and Jon Walls:

Save America PSA @ Yahoo! Video

Thanks, guys. Hope you like the pic I chose. :)

What's the Problem?

2008-10-27T08:34:00.004-07:00

Jennifer Hudson's mom and brother were killed at her mother's Chicago home this weekend, and her 9-year-old nephew may have been killed as well. Even the rich and famous aren't immune to the maniacal actions of violent half-breeds and psychos.

In the spot usually occupied by a homeless person at the 25th Street entrance for the uptown E train, I saw something that made me scared: His possessions were still in that spot, but spreading around them on the dirty asphalt, and being partially absorbed by a bed sheet, was a large pool of blood. I mean, I'm a menstruating female; I know what blood looks like on a bed sheet, so trust me on this.

What is the world coming to?

In other news, John McCain's brother Joe called 911 to complain about the traffic. Twice.
.
Don't forget to vote!!!

Weekend Weirdness

2008-10-20T09:25:00.003-07:00

"You can party like a rockstar, but when you're a rockstar, you have the clap."
-Liz McNamara at Sala Friday night

"You can't booty dance to Jason Mraz."
-Resalin Rago (musicllaneous.blogspot.com) at her house at about 3 a.m. Friday nightjavascript:void(0)

Oh, Middle America, You Don't Hold Anything Back...

2008-10-20T08:40:00.004-07:00

...but maybe you should. SMH.

Compliments of Liz.

2008-10-17T11:02:00.001-07:00

This is a song I love right now:

Hide And Seek - Imogen Heap

My Annoying Co-Intern at Us Weekly

2008-10-15T13:17:00.006-07:00

Her name is Katie Kane, and she's not really annoying, but I thought I'd put her up here anyway, because I'm pretty sure she'll be on TV one day soon.

Can't you just see it?

"Hi, it's Katie Kane here with your morning update!"

She is FANCY / Gentlemen Prefer Silver Wigs

2008-10-05T18:05:00.003-07:00

Carol Channing, you can rock a wig and red lipstick like no one else over the age of 85. Thank you, thank you ...

The Debate

2008-10-02T18:07:00.006-07:00

I love that Sarah Palin was able to squeeze a soccer mom comment into the debate with her very first sentence. Also, her blush was very Bozo-esque, but she was pretty.

Michael Bloomberg is the new Fidel ...

2008-09-30T18:02:00.005-07:00

... he'll be the ruler that wont' leave. He's trying to overturn the two-term maximum set by the state. Apparently, he thinks no one else can do the job.

Afternoon Cutes

2008-09-29T09:40:00.004-07:00

I want the new Katy Perry doll so I can make a Barbie music video with it.

Kinda like the one she did already:

File this Under "Mind Your Own Damn Business"

2008-09-29T07:54:00.012-07:00

A PR chick tattled on me to my ultra-cool* boss at Us Weekly this weekend.

Apparently, she thought I was "really rude and unprofessional" at an art event in a warehouse space that featured portraits George Bush and Paris Hilton composed entirely of vaginas and and -- *ahem* --- "rear exits" clipped from porn magazines.

Not that I have a problem with the art. But I'm fairly certain that the girl who tattled on me (and was kind enough to "sign" her name to me with hand signals) wasn't even working on that event. She was just there, smoking cigs and concentrating on not eating ever, and smiling an over-enthusiastic skeleton smile at a frat boy in a bouffant who probably just got back from a lacrosse match in the Hamptons.

Also, for the record, I don't recall being either "rude" or "unprofessional."

Note to self: post-sorority PR girls are the Devil.

I love NY.

*She actually thinks her interns are mindless droids.

LOL Cat of the Week

2008-09-25T19:29:00.001-07:00

more animals

Golly, That Was Fun / Happy Birthday Tobe!

2008-09-24T21:57:00.008-07:00

I'm a little deaf, so I must have had fun --

Tonight I got to see some of my Houston buddies -- even though they rep Boston -- The Street Dogs, who include my former Starbucks bossman, Tobe Bean. Here he is, doing his thing: Tonight it's his birthday, but he's sick. Feel better, Tobe B.

Just a Thought from a Prof I Had Once

2008-09-24T21:47:00.003-07:00

"I know you believe you understand what you think I said ... however, what you heard is not what I meant."

I Want that Bike!

2008-09-23T09:08:00.004-07:00

Us Weekly sent me to interview Famke Janssen (GoldenEye, Nip/Tuck) at the press conference for TropFest last week. She wasn't very accomodating -- she wouldn't even meet me -- but she did ride up on a covet-worthy bike.

As I was browsing A Continuous Lean today, I spotted said bike, in the pic below.

It's by Velorbis, a bike company out of Copenhagen.

Gimme.

Bill Clinton on the View

2008-09-23T08:55:00.003-07:00

This guy. He's just so charismatic, even without a teleprompter. By the way, I don't endorse McCain (or Obama) ** update: I support Obama, per my manically liberal father ** but the person who edited this clip does.

She's Kinda Cute, But...

2008-09-19T06:12:00.002-07:00

Why does she always look like a constipated robot eating sour candy? Inhale, Renee!